Lost Souls
by content1
Summary: The pumpkin is used to create the jack-o'-lantern, a symbol of lost souls, or so the legend goes. But what you have first is simply a pumpkin. It is the nicks and scars that fashion the jack-o'-lantern, bring it to life, so to speak-much like they do our souls. Judge's Vote 1st place, Pumpkin Pie &Candy Land Award, Host Pick (OhGeeFantasy) and Judge's Pick icks & Treats 2015


Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Stephenie Meyer created it all; I just like to play around in her world.

I just wanted to give a quick shout out to beachcomberlc who was the coauthor in writing this baby for the Tricks and Treats Contest and kitchmill who betaed for us! It was a true joy to write this with them.

Beachcomberlc and I were honored to receive the First Place for Judge's Vote, Pumpkin Pie Award (Best use of Pumpkin), Candy Land Award (Best Romance), Host Pick (OhGeeFantasy), and Judge's Pick (PostApocalypticDepository) for Lost Souls.

~Lost Souls~

 _ **Bella**_

The first time fate put Edward Cullen and me together, I was barely six weeks old. We'd just moved to Forks, Washington, closer to Esme, my mom's best friend. They thought putting us in pumpkin Onesies together for a picture would be the "cutest thing." At four months old, he looked a lot less like an alien than I did. A year later, our second bonding experience came in the form of pumpkin costumes. I looked a lot better than Edward in that picture because my dark hair didn't clash with the orange hat with green stalk and tendrils. There was something to be said about redheads not wearing orange, and, unfortunately, Edward's copper hair also stood up in unmanageable spikes.

Of course I didn't remember either of the two momentous occasions, but the pictures lived in infamy. Our moms' insistence we dress like pumpkins continued until we were five, when Edward wanted to be Aladdin and I was stuck on Belle. We'd come to an agreement over a viewing of "It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown" that we were going to demand different costumes. The compromise was for us to carry plastic pumpkins to collect our candy.

At eight, I discovered boys had cooties, and Edward found out it wasn't cool to have a girl as a best friend. That Halloween, instead of trick-or-treating together, Edward and I declared war with the pumpkins our mothers had bought to decorate.

"The line in the road is the boundary. You can't come over here," I shouted at him.

Edward touched his toe an inch over and raised his eyebrows.

Screaming, I aimed and threw a small pumpkin as hard as I could. It fell short, busting on the pavement and sending orange guts onto his jeans. "Wonder if pumpkin helps cure the cooties," I taunted.

As he grabbed more ammunition, I ran toward our big tree for cover, but Edward was a better shot. A pumpkin hit the trunk, splattering me.

"Don't know, but they're good for keeping little girls away," he shouted, sending another one. It busted and spilled into my hair.

Growling, I retaliated and hit him in the leg. He yelped like a little puppy.

He tried to get me back, but missed, hitting the side of my house instead. The loud _thunk_ gave us away.

"Edward Anthony Cullen!" Esme's voice was shrill.

"Bella!" My dad jogged down our stairs behind her, eyes narrowed.

Edward and I both squirmed as Esme and my dad glared down at us, Carlisle grinning from behind.

"Explain," Esme demanded of Edward, and he stepped a foot closer to me before he caved.

Eyes wide, Esme looked back and forth between us. "Apologize. Now." She sounded like that mean army guy on television.

Edward turned to me quickly, causing some of the pumpkin seeds with strings to fall into his face.

Unable to help it, I started giggling. He blew one away from his lips, and my giggling turned into snort-laughing. He smiled that silly smile of his and joined me.

"Sorry, Bella."

"Me too, Edward."

He kicked at the ground, looking down. "I don't care what Emmett said, you're my best friend."

"And you don't have cooties."

"We've got to stick together. " He looked up at his mom's angry face and ducked his head. "Partners in crime, okay?" he asked in a small voice.

I grinned then nodded.

Little did we know, life had a bad way of breaking up perfect plans and partners.

My mom left my dad for the man she'd been secretly seeing and took me far away from Charlie, Esme, Carlisle, and Edward when I was ten.

Thank God for AOL Instant Messaging, or I would've lost my mind over the next four years as she went through man after man, in a string of affairs. I talked to my father almost every day, and sometimes we were in a place long enough for Edward and me to exchange cards. Christmas wasn't important, and certainly not Valentine's Day. Our holiday, like our lives, was the one of tricks and treats—sometimes we got tricks, sometimes we got treats.

The summer before I turned fourteen, my father won one of the many court battles he'd waged for me. The tides had turned, and judges didn't always rule that mothers raise their children. I ran as fast as I could into Charlie's arms at the Atlanta airport. As for Edward, I knew, thanks to our emails, he'd grown to almost six foot, but the gangly teenager waiting for me in Seattle was a shock. Then he smiled his goofy smile, and I reached for his hand.

 _ **Edward**_

Halloween had always been "our" holiday—Bella and mine. I couldn't actually remember a Halloween without some kind of pumpkin presence between us until her mother decided to take off to Arizona. To be honest, I hadn't cared so much about Renee leaving, but she'd taken Bella with her and looking across the street at her darkened bedroom window night after night, month after month had left me with a heavy feeling in my stomach. I'd made Bella-less routines in my life with my few friends, but Halloween had never been the same without her.

It was almost four years later when I went with my folks to pick Charlie and Bella up at the airport in Seattle. I paced as we waited at the gate for them to arrive. Although we'd kept in touch, we'd never traded pictures or anything girly. So I was completely confused when my mother gasped and wrapped her arms around the petite young woman with long, dark, wavy hair who darted through the door. I frowned when Charlie walked up, his hand extended to shake my dad's.

Where was Bella?

 _Oh!_

The young woman in my mom's arms— _that_ was Bella? Wow.

No longer the little girl I'd gone trick-or-treating with, as she lifted her head from my mother's shoulder, familiar chocolate-brown eyes gazed back at me. They were unmistakable, even if they held a few shadows of sadness.

Reaching around to scratch my neck at the heat there, I shuffled my feet before grinning at her.

"Hi, Edward." She smiled as she reached for my hand. "It's nice to see you again."

The tips of my ears heated up, and I said in a low voice, "Glad you're back, Bella."

My dad chuckled quietly at my side before stepping forward to envelop Bella in a gentle hug.

On our way out of the concourse, Bella yawned widely and slowed to a stop in front of a Starbucks Coffee kiosk. "I really need a mocha. Want one?"

I nodded and eyed the stuff in the glass case. I couldn't help but grin at what I'd found. Although it wasn't Halloween, it was a perfect way to welcome her back to Seattle.

"Look! Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Loaf. You hungry?"

At her eager nod and cautious smile, I order two slices to go with our mochas. We munched our way toward the baggage claim area, the Halloween-themed snack bringing back some of our comfortable childhood familiarity.

~LS~

The events of 9/11 changed the world forever mere weeks after we greeted Bella and her father at the arrival gate at SeaTac airport, but life in our small town on the Olympic Peninsula seemed to move at its own, protected pace, for the most part. The next few years passed in a flurry of drizzly gray days and holidays spent together once more.

Horrified at how poorly her bachelor father ate, she dedicated herself to learning to cook healthier meals for the two of them. I was a willing taste-tester for her creations, some of which came from cookbooks, some from the Food Network, and eventually from her own imagination. She developed a real talent for combining flavors, colors, and textures into delicious meals and baked goods. Charlie's health improved as time went by, but he occasionally still snuck over to the diner for a greasy cheeseburger and fries.

Bella's culinary creations seemed to agree with me as well; I grew even taller and started to put on some muscle. I joined the cross country and track teams at school and enjoyed the quiet solitude of my daily runs through the nearby Hoh rainforest. Geek that I was, math and science were my favorite subjects in school, and I began to consider future careers and post-secondary educational plans. By junior year, I was pretty sure I wanted to be an engineer. Despite not following in his footsteps and pursuing a career in medicine, my father encouraged me to choose my own path.

It was at the Forks High homecoming parade that fall when our friendship turned into something more. Since homecoming week fell at the end of October, the theme of "Halloween Carnival" was easy to choose. Bella decided to turn her ancient red behemoth of a pickup truck into a float for the parade, and I designed an automated Ferris wheel to carry gondolas holding pumpkin heads decorated as Spartan fans. We joined forces with Bella's friend Angela and her boyfriend Ben, another science nerd like myself, to compete for the grand prize package of dinner for four at The Lodge. We spent several weekends holed up in Ben's garage with his father's machine tools, scrap metal, and a small lawnmower engine we'd found at a garage sale. Bella kept us well fed with homemade pizza, and Angela applied her considerable artistic talents to the decorations on the Ferris wheel itself as well as the pumpkin head "fans."

The day of the parade, we met to decorate the truck. Ben and Angela were inside the house getting some cold sodas, and I had just finished bolting the stabilizer framework to the bottom of the truck when Bella stepped in my direction, paintbrush coated with bright orange paint in her hand and a mischievous grin on her face.

"Oh, no you don't!" I laughed, taking a step backward.

"Oh, just a little face paint for old time's sake?" She grinned. "It's been at least ten years since we dressed up as pumpkins for Halloween."

She leaned closer, raising the brush toward my face. I caught both her hands in mine and backed her up, attempting to grab the brush. I froze as she collided with the side of the truck and the full length of our bodies lined up. Her eyes widened, her breath catching in her throat, and I found myself leaning down and touching my lips to hers in our first kiss.

Most teenagers would probably say their first kiss was awkward and kind of embarrassing, but in our case it felt easy and natural. We knew each other better than almost anyone and it just felt…right. Well, until Angela pushed open the door, sodas in hand, and skidded to a halt with a grin on her face. Ben, clueless as always, barreled into her from behind, and both ended up covered in Mountain Dew.

We all laughed as Angela squealed and ran back into the house shaking off droplets of icy cold soda. Ben rolled his eyes, spun on his heel, and followed her, mumbling something about getting some towels.

I gazed back down at Bella, my eyes crinkling with my smile. "Hi," I breathed.

"Hey," she teased, her eyebrow crooking.

Heat filled my cheeks in a damn blush, and she giggled.

"I've been wanting to do that for a while now." I was so nervous I was afraid my voice would crack.

"Me, too." She scrunched her nose at me adorably before going up on her tiptoes and placing another quick kiss on my lips. "However, I think we're gonna need to get back to it a little later, maybe in a more private place and time." She shrugged, her deep chocolate eyes twinkling up at me.

I took a deep breath and a slow step back. "Definitely. We'll definitely be getting back to that. Soon."

~LS~

Some things changed as our relationship moved from best friends to boyfriend/girlfriend. Some didn't. I was still a certifiable geek. Although I'd filled out because of track and "looked" better, I remained the unsure kid inside, and Bella was my champion. Thanks to being "Bella's boyfriend," I was a part of the "it" crowd even though I was truly an introvert. She brought me out of my shell, kicking and screaming. The most important thing remained the same; every one of my days was better with Bella as a part of it. Sometimes it was easy to forget Renee had ever taken her away, but I was under no delusion that her mother's actions hadn't had a lasting impact on Bella.

"Hey, Cullen; watch out!"

Jerking my head in the direction of the voice, I stepped aside just in time to avoid being hit with a tall ladder that was a veritable weapon in Tyler's hands. Today was the staging day for the FHS National Honor Society's Haunted Barn. Not all of the helpers were members, but it was a good opportunity to have some fun on a crisp fall day and raise money for the Fred Hutch Bone Marrow Transplant program at Seattle Children's Hospital.

"Where do you want these body parts?" Lauren Mallory's overly made-up face peered over the top of a box filled with masks, vinyl gloves filled with gelatin, and skeleton parts. "Where's Bella, by the way? I thought she was the co-chair. Shouldn't she be here bossing us around?"

Lauren was not a fan of my girlfriend, and she only paid attention to me to aggravate Bella.

I ignored her Bella-related questions and pointed her toward some sawhorses covered with a sheet of plywood and newspapers. "Could you spray them with that glow-in-the-dark paint? We need them for the creepy light show."

She nodded, raised her eyebrows, and sneered. "What about Bella? She sleeping in or something?"

I sighed. "No, Lauren. She had to work the early shift at the diner today so she could have the rest of the day off. She went in at four o'clock to do the baking and should be here in a couple of hours. I have her floor plan if you need to see it."

Lauren shook her head, narrowing her blue eyes, and set the box down on the table.

A while later, I was in the loft area of the barn, making sure the extension cords and wires for the pulley system responsible for raising and lowering the zombie children were secure. The bales of hay stacked along the edge of the loft blocked my view of the entrance. I heard the creak of someone climbing the ladder, and thinking it was Tyler bringing me the extra-long zip-ties I'd asked for, I held out my hand without looking in that direction. "Geez, took you long enough!"

Instead of the bundle of plastic I was expecting, long fingernails scraped down my forearm and a small hand pulled mine across an unfamiliar breast. I jerked my hand away from who I knew damn well wasn't Bella and swung around to find Lauren's smirking face. "What the hell?"

"What's the matter, Edward? You should be happy to have something that's more of a handful than Bella can give you." She stepped closer and ran her nails along the fly of my jeans. "Aren't you even curious to know what it would be like with someone else? I'll blow you right here, right now. If you can keep quiet, no one would even know." She licked her lips in a manner I'm sure she thought was sexy and irresistible.

I tried to step back, but ran into the hay bales. I reached down and yanked her hand away from my crotch. "Keep your fucking hands off me. I would never cheat on Bella."

She snorted loudly and rolled her eyes, turning away and muttering, "Loser."

Lauren started back down the ladder, and Tyler yelped at her to watch where she was going. Taking a deep breath in relief, I turned back to the wires. Another creak of the ladder had me whirling in alarm, but to my relief, the eyes peering over at me were warm brown ones.

"I just got here, and Tyler said you needed these." She held up the bundle of zip-ties. "I volunteered to bring them up. Gives me a good excuse to kiss you good morning." She raised her arms around my neck and stretched up on her toes, running her fingers through my hair. Hooking my index fingers into the belt loops of her jeans, I pulled her closer to me, lowering my head for a thoroughly satisfying kiss.

As if I'd ever even consider trading this for some empty, clandestine sex with another woman.

 _ **Bella**_

The University of California at Berkley was a beautiful school and not too far from the California campus of the International Culinary Center I attended. Walking across the parking lot toward Edward and Emmett's apartment, I shivered in the cool breeze, watching how it played with the orange and gold leaves of the trees.

Edward had no idea I was coming to visit. The last few months of being separated had been hard, even though we were just hours apart. Since my return to Forks in middle school, Edward and I had never been away from each other for more than a couple days. It was hard for us to make decisions about schools since his interest in engineering and mine in culinary arts didn't easily mix, so we were thrilled when we'd gotten acceptance letters to schools close together.

He'd been acting distant on the last few phone calls and Skype sessions, so my roommate Julie had helped me arrange a surprise Halloween visit. There was no way I was going to let our holiday go by without seeing him. Carrying a pumpkin for us to carve, I shifted the backpack containing my clothes more securely on my shoulder. I pulled my key from my pocket, grinning in anticipation as I let myself in.

The scene that met my eyes was too ludicrous to believe, so I stood mute for several seconds before I could accept it was real.

Leaning back on the sofa, Edward had a blonde straddling him, and he was kissing her.

Numbness filled every pore of my body, and the pumpkin I'd been holding fell through my fingers, exploding on the floor of his entryway. The sound jerked Edward's head up and the blonde's toward me.

I was unable to speak or move. Edward's eyes widened and his face lost all color. My lips popped open on a gasp, and he let go of her arms quickly. His lips moved, but his words didn't register over the roar of blood in my ears.

Spinning in the guts of the pumpkin, I did the only thing I could—run.

"Bella, wait! Please!" he screamed.

It was only when I stumbled and tripped over a boy into a group of students that I realized I'd run onto the campus. Scrambling to stand, I panicked when Edward yelled my name. Unable to see clearly through my tears, I lunged behind some thick bushes against one of the buildings to hide, my chest heaving.

I couldn't face him as my heart tore into a million pieces and nausea threatened. The vision of him holding that girl to him, kissing her as her hands wandered down his chest was like acid boiling through my heart. A thick feeling in my throat warned me I was about to lose it, and I had to swallow hard.

"Bella!" His voice was nearby, and through the bushes I found him standing several feet away. Turning his head from side to side, he watched the crowds.

It took everything I had not to sob when his fingers clenched in his hair. I couldn't count how many times I'd watched him do that . . . teased him about it. He turned, so I had a clear glimpse of the side of his face, and I wanted to cry out. Tears ran down his cheeks as he scanned the area. Finally, he must have seen something or someone he thought was me because he started running. A minute later, I eased from my hideout and began walking the other way.

I tried to remember the image of him crying. I really did. But it was the one of him kissing someone else that branded my dying heart.

 _ **Edward**_

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

It was the only word running through my mind as I chased Bella.

The look on her face when I'd opened my eyes destroyed me.

What the hell had I been thinking? Feeling?

I had to catch her, make her understand what a mistake I'd made. I'd known from the moment Sandy's lips touched mine I'd screwed up. Ready to push her away, I'd been stupid and allowed another kiss, and another, because they'd fed my stupid ego.

What good was my ego now that I'd probably lost my heart?

A glimpse of dark hair moved around a corner, and I ran toward it. Ironically, my ego couldn't care less that people were staring at me like I was crazy.

~LS~

"What the hell happened here?" Emmett asked as soon as I walked back into the apartment.

The busted pumpkin mocked me.

Unable to face him, I knelt beside the mess. "I fucked up, Em."

"Fucked up?" He arched an eyebrow in question.

"Bella walked in."

"Okay?" He rolled his eyes.

"On Sandy and me kissing."

"The fuck?" His arms puffed up as he clenched his fists, and his face turned red. "What the fuck were you doing with her?"

"Being stupid. Fucking stupid. And now I can't find Bella. God, Em, the look on her face."

"Let's go," he said, grabbing his keys while he muttered.

Words like dickhead, grasping bitch, and fucking asshole pierced through his muttering. I didn't want to know what else he said that I couldn't understand. Bolstered by his confidence we'd find her, I followed him blindly out of the apartment.

 _ **Bella**_

Edward followed me back to my school, pounding on the door of my dorm, but I wasn't there. I hid out with a friend, unwilling to risk seeing him. I heard the stories though…how he slept outside my door, propped against the wall until campus security removed him. He texted and left messages hourly. I only listened to the first one, where he begged me to forgive him, to give him a chance to explain. He had the audacity to tell me it was only a few kisses, then said he wasn't trying to excuse what he'd done, because that was bad enough. He begged until his voice was hoarse, and my tears flooded my eyes and face. But nothing could fix the hole in my chest. My mom had pleaded with all the men she'd cheated on, too. I'd seen how sincere she was, only to turn around and do it time and time again.

I erased all the other messages without listening to them, even when Esme called. When I couldn't take it any longer, I transferred my phone service, making sure only Charlie and a few of my new friends had the number. It broke my heart to cut contact with Esme and Carlisle. She'd been like a mother to me after mine went flaky. She'd never talked bad about Renee, but I knew my mother's decisions had destroyed their friendship. She must have understood how I felt about her son's betrayal; speaking to them would've been too painful.

I transferred to the SoHo campus in New York, unwilling to be near California or Edward. Luckily there had been a student there who wanted to come to the west coast, so I'd leapt on the opportunity, even before Christmas. As I settled into new classes, intent on my academic goals, I put all other thoughts of happiness aside.

 _ **Edward**_

Forks had changed so little in the past four years. It was like stepping into a time warp and returning to childhood, as if I'd never left. My mom ran from the front door toward my car as soon as I turned off the engine. Picking her up and spinning her around, I laughed at her enthusiasm, chuckling at my dad over her shoulder.

"I'm so glad you've come home," she squealed.

"Well not home, but a little closer," I teased.

My senior internship had turned into a goldmine. I'd been able to obtain an entry-level position with just my undergraduate degree, and my new boss supported me continuing my education. While UW might not have been my first choice for my master's degree, any concerns were offset by the position Sam Whitlock offered. He owned one of the most respected design firms in Seattle, actually the West Coast, so turning down such an opportunity would've been idiotic. After my life-changing lunacy as a freshman, I tried not to ruin my life with any further poor decisions.

With my dad practicing medicine in such a small town, my parents weren't as well off as physicians in big cities. They'd helped tremendously during my undergraduate years, but I wanted to do my further studies on my own. My salary would cover the economical apartment I'd leased and tuition, if I was careful. I had the next few months to get settled into the job and apartment before starting school after Christmas. Things couldn't have been better.

Completing a spin with my mom, a moment of grief overtook me as I caught a glimpse of Charlie's house across the street. Well, only one thing would've made my homecoming better, but I'd ruined that possibility years ago. Kissing my mother's forehead, I leaned over to flip the trunk release. I had a couple weeks to relax before I had to start, so I planned to enjoy my family until then.

~LS~

I'd fallen asleep after dinner. My mother's cooking was surpassed only by Bella's, so it had been a long time since I'd eaten so well. Shaking the fog from my head, I followed the noise of the television to the living room and found my parents snuggled up on the couch. When my mom caught me standing in the doorway, a look of panic washed over her face before she hit the power button on the remote. It was such an obvious reaction, I was taken aback.

"Hey, sweetie. You okay?"

"Yeah, I couldn't sleep anymore. Watcha watching?" Her suspicious action wasn't going to get past me.

Even my father looked uncomfortable with my question, and a million theories ran through my mind. The most audacious one was that they were watching porn. I snickered to myself at the thought.

"Nothing much. Just a cooking show."

Sauntering into the room, I grinned at their faces. Before they knew what hit them, I lunged for the remote, holding it above my mom's grasping hands.

What was that saying about karma? Oh yeah, it always came back to bite you in the ass.

The face that haunted my dreams and nightmares was plastered across the screen. Her normally pale cheeks were flushed from the steam wafting up from the boiling pots littered across the stove.

" _Ms. Swan, impeccable job on the lamb chops."_

" _Thank you, Chef,"_ Bella said to Gordon Ramsey with a small smile.

"I didn't want to tell you." My mother's voice was gentle. "Your father and I've been watching from the first episode, since we heard from Mrs. Cope that Bella had been selected as a competitor."

Overwhelmed, I had to sit on the arm of the couch as I watched Bella and other chefs work hard to fill orders.

"She's made it to the final three." My dad's voice was tinged with pride.

"Final three?" My voice was hoarse.

"They started with eighteen competitors, and over the weeks the tasks and challenges have whittled them down to three. Bella is the favorite, which makes her a target for the other two."

My parents' words made it to my ears, but I couldn't focus on anything other than Bella.

I hadn't seen her since the day I broke both of our hearts. Instead of the hopeful, vibrant, energetic woman on the television, I'd see a broken girl, her hopes and dreams dashed by an asshole.

Me.

I knew she'd gone to New York to avoid me. I'd followed, but she'd refused to see me. What had I expected? Bella had grown up around a serial cheater and lived with the consequences. In the end, I had to respect her silence. But no one had ever taken Bella's place in my heart.

She was amazing. Beautiful. Vivacious. Mesmerizing.

And absolutely on-task and kicking everyone's ass.

The service ended, and the three competitors stood in a line waiting for Gordon to announce his decision.

Fuck. She was incomparable. Sandwiched between a metrosexual-looking guy, who pissed me off because he was side-eying Bella, and a woman who looked like she wanted to chew both Bella and the guy up and spit them out, Bella kept her eyes on Gordon, waiting. The camera focused on her, and it was a shot to my gut.

Chocolate brown, her eyes held me captive. Goose bumps raised across my skin and electricity jolted my heart. The connection wasn't gone. It was as strong as ever.

" _After a nearly impeccable service, there was one person who failed to meet my every expectation."_

Gordon paused, dramatically.

Nodding, he held his hand out to the other woman. _"Leslie, please hang up your jacket."_

I let out the breath I'd been holding even as the chef directed Bella and the man back to their rooms. I tried to get my broken heart under control, but must not have done a great job because my mom stood and patted my hand.

"We recorded the entire season," she said softly, handing me the remote.

"Thank you." The gruff sound of my voice betrayed how emotional I was over seeing Bella again.

My debate about losing my sanity lasted only a second before I hit the menu to bring up the recordings.

 _ **Bella**_

Another one down! I made it through the latest elimination.

All I had to do was ace the next challenge and I had a shot at getting to be master chef at Gordon's next five-star restaurant. The call to be in the show had been an answer to a prayer after the craziness of the past years. Working hard out of culinary arts school had landed me several good positions under some talented head chefs, but breaking into the field was proving a lot harder than I thought. It could've taken me years to advance in the business, but now, by a stroke of luck, I had the opportunity to get somewhere.

If that somewhere wasn't exactly what I wanted, well, it was still an opportunity I couldn't pass up.

Showering quickly, I fell face-first onto the bed, hoping the cameras weren't catching me with my ass in the air. It would be a thoroughly embarrassing picture, but I wouldn't put it past them to broadcast it for the sex appeal.

Even thinking I was prepared, filming a reality show was entirely different than I'd thought. The producers weren't averse to playing on internal struggles and personality differences for good ratings. I'd done exactly what my dad had advised. I'd kept my mouth shut, worked hard, been respectful, and helped those I could. And I'd watched.

~LS~

The banging of pots came early, and I rolled out of bed, threw on the clothes I'd laid out, and pulled my hair into a ponytail. Within a few minutes, I was down the stairs and in front of the stove facing the bank of cameras. Behind them, the crew milled around, coffee making the air smell wonderful.

I wouldn't ask for a cup until after they'd shot the first frames. It was about sacrifice and deportment. And right now, the end was too close to risk over my need for caffeine. Bradley rushed in and took his place beside me. He was a fairly decent guy. The producers must have hoped we'd be at each other's throats, but we weren't. Didn't mean I wasn't going to do everything I could to win.

Gordon moved to his spot, and the cameras turned to us. Behind him, a dozen or more people worked on their specific tasks, and it was difficult to stay focused. As soon as the producer gave the okay, Gordon began talking.

"This morning, the two of you have a challenge. The winner will have first pick of the returning contestants for your finale team." He grinned in his sarcastic manner. "Behind you is a table of ingredients. You have thirty minutes to make breakfast. Go!"

My decision to stick with a simple breakfast was a wise one. When the timer went off, I had an omelet prepared with fruit and freshly squeezed orange juice. I'd also made hash browns. It was simple fare, but I used fresh herbs and allowed the diced ham to give the omelet flavor.

Bradley had attempted a quiche, another tried-and-true, but it didn't look entirely done. I tamped down the need to gloat. It went against my nature to celebrate someone's failures, but this was a competition so I cut myself some slack. When Gordon gave the nod to my plate, it was a relief. I wanted Shaun on my team, but Bradley would've chosen him as well.

"Isabella, Bradley, we're doing the final episode a little differently this year. Pack your bags. We have a road trip ahead of us."

~LS~

The Catskill Mountains framed beautiful home after beautiful home, but when the SUV pulled up in front of The Caldwell House, my blood ran cold.

It was decorated in full fall glory. The steps leading to the wide veranda were framed by large pots of mums and pumpkins sitting on hay bales. Dried stalks of corn tied in tall arrangements adorned wide posts. Against one, a stuffed scarecrow leaned, a jaunty pipe hanging from his mouth.

Trying to control the shaking of my hands, I reached for the door.

Pumpkins. Why did it have to be pumpkins?

The memory of Edward's last note flashed through my mind. It had come in the mail a year after I'd run from his college apartment. Arriving on Halloween, it had gone to my father's home. I hadn't seen it until that Christmas when I'd visited. It had been a pumpkin, of course. Inside had been a message that broke my heart all over again.

 _Bella,_

 _I don't know if you'll read this or not, but I wanted you to know I love you more today than ever. I'm so sorry I was an ass and hurt you. I'd do anything to take it back. This will be the last time I contact you, as I don't want to upset you more through my continued efforts._

 _You are, and will always be, the brightest and best thing in my life._

 _Love, Edward_

In a fit of rage, I'd thrown the card into the fireplace. I hadn't been ready to hear Edward's words of remorse then. But I'd regretted my action later, when a little time and space had soothed the wounds and made me ponder the sincerity of his words.

I'd avoided any hint of Halloween for the last four years. Now, it would seem I was to be tortured. With the portable cameras already focused on us, I tried, as best as possible, to wipe the gut-wrenching pain from my face. Putting my shaking hands in my jeans pockets, I waited for Gordon's big reveal. Contrary to the image on television, Chef Ramsey was actually a pretty cool guy. An exacting bastard, no doubt, but a fair one as long as you complied with his expectation of perfection.

Ever the urbanite, Bradley stepped beside me. "Where are we? Backwoods hell?"

Eyeing the inn with a critical eye, I savored the clean lines of the white colonial. "I think it's beautiful."

Gordon's clearing throat stopped any further speculation.

"Welcome to The Caldwell House, one of the finest bed and breakfast homes in the Hudson Valley. It has won multiple awards for hospitality. Any good chef knows that food is only one component of a successful business. You're here to learn from one of the best what it takes to create the environment where your food will shine."

 _ **Edward**_

The wait for the next week's show was unbearable. The two-hour finale was being marketed as a game- changer. The clips showed Bella and Bradley battling it out in an inn, surrounded by past contestants.

And while the wait was agonizing, the hours of watching Bella were excruciating. The girl I loved had grown into a remarkable woman. Unlike some of the contestants who backstabbed and schemed to get ahead, she worked hard during the competition, taking suggestions with a "Yes, Chef" and continuing on.

Each episode, she was consistent, on-task, and respectful. In my opinion, she was the clear winner. But as the theme song began, I tapped my fingers against the couch. My mother handed me a glass of wine before bringing my dad one as well.

Other than my mother's one inquiry about my state of mind, they'd remained quiet on the topic of Bella during the week, but I did catch my mother often watching me with speculation. That we'd watch the last episode together had never been a question. I wanted to see Bella smile in pleasure when she kicked Bradley's ass and won the competition.

The thrill faded when the camera zoomed in on Bella's face as she exited the truck. I'd seen that look. When the camera panned to the inn I understood why. What followed was painful, even if Bella's ideas for the required Halloween-inspired breakfast and lunch were amazing.

Breakfast consisted of bananas cut in half and white chocolate-dipped strawberry "ghosts" with dark chocolate eyes and mouths. Pigs in a blanket with the biscuit wrapped around link sausages like a mummy…a space for ghoulish eyes to peek out. Boiled eggs cut in half and accented with green olives to represent monster eyeballs, and a raspberry Danish that resembled brains. The yogurts even had food dye added to turn them orange and black.

The lunch appetizers consisted of a spicy bean dip, the top decorated with rectangular chips for tombstones, guacamole, spiders made of olives, and a skeletal cat made of different vegetables for dipping. It had celery for legs with small tomatoes serving as the knees and carrots for the toes. Green beans made up the ribs, while slices of squash constructed the backbone. Mushrooms and cucumber slices shaped the tail, and a bowl of hummus for the head finished the design. With triangular chips for ears, a tomato nose, and olive eyes, it was very creative.

The entree was individual homemade chicken pot pies. The crust had been draped across the round bowls onto another plate below like tentacles. Black olives fashioned the eyes of the octopus creatures. The salad had Melba toast cut into the shapes of ghosts and mushrooms carved into ghostly faces. Desserts included all sorts of ghost and goblin cookies.

Not one pumpkin graced her tables, even though the men and women working under her suggested several ideas, including tangerines with celery sticks for the stalks and a pumpkin soup to go along with the salad and chicken pot pies. For the first time, Bella snapped at her co-workers and burnt several racks of the pot pies. The group ended up short on food.

" _Isabella, what is this in my kitchen? Burnt entrees?"_

" _Yes, Chef." She crossed her arms in front of her._

" _And who is to blame?"_

" _I am, Chef."_

Her eyes darkened with tears and she struggled to control them, but when a single one slipped down her cheek, I pulled at my hair in frustration.

" _I take full responsibility, Chef. My team worked hard and gave their everything. I got distracted and left the pies in too long." She turned to her team. "I'm sorry I let you down."_

Her apology to him and her co-workers was so sincere her workers all gave her a hug.

When the woman who owned the inn thanked both Bella and Bradley for coming, handing them a painted pumpkin as a gift, a sick feeling filled my stomach. Bella burst into tears, but covered her breakdown by hugging the woman and thanking her for the opportunity. It looked heart felt, and I'm sure it was, but my heart said her tears weren't simply over the experience.

If I'd ruined this for her, I didn't know what I would do. Surely, her one mistake wouldn't change everything. She'd been the most solid competitor throughout the season. Even Bradley had experienced several screw-ups. Like a shark sniffing blood, the camera followed Bella as she jumped into the black SUV and then panned to catch Gordon's contemplative face.

The next hour brought the anticipated finale. Back in New York, the lights highlighted the Hell's Kitchen stage. Within, Bella, Bradley, and the former contestants had one last test. Dinner for their family and friends. The next forty minutes flew by as Bella kicked ass. Gone were the tears and mess ups. In place of the woman who'd faltered was a chef who masterfully controlled the kitchen, praised her team, and produced a work of art.

She barely took a breath of relief when the final plate was served, and Chef Ramsey rewarded her with a "good job."

 _ **Bella**_

I was a wreck. The crew gave us a few minutes to freshen up, but I spent them telling the other competitors how much I appreciated their help in the kitchen, thanking them for the support, and apologizing again for my mess-up at the inn. I'd disappointed them, and that was not allowable after all the hard work and dedication they'd given me. I was so relieved it was over, I couldn't care less if the cameras followed. The last few weeks had been a pressure cooker.

Before I could hug Charlie, they were ushering us up the stairs to where Chef Ramsey awaited.

Butterflies took flight in my stomach. Everything I'd done in the past five years, the dedication, the blood, sweat, and tears relied on whether or not the key Chef handed me opened the door before me. I'd given everything—my hopes, my dreams, the lure of a love life, vacations, and holidays. It all came to this.

Very little time was wasted with preliminaries. The ousted competitors were below us, alongside Bradley's large family, and Charlie. The noise beyond the doors called us to economic freedom and culinary Graceland.

"Before I give you these, I want you to know this has been the hardest decision of my career in Hell's Kitchen."

He was a blank slate as he handed us the keys and directed us to put them in the doors. The producers yelled, "Cut _,"_ when Bradley stumbled, and we had to film it again. I wanted to puke before he got it right.

The production people whipped the crowd into a frenzy, but the roar of blood in my ears was too loud. The blood drained from my face. Was I going to have my first ever panic attack in front of the cameras?

"Open the door," Gordon called out, and I grabbed the handle, turning the key.

Nothing happened.

Beside me, Bradley walked into my dreams, Gordon following him.

As the screaming from Bradley's family overwhelmed the small studio, I leaned my head against the door to keep from falling.

"Bella," one of the staff members said, and I took a deep breath to keep from sobbing.

"Come with me." She waved for me to go back the way I'd come.

"Give me a sec," I requested, and a flash of anger crossed her face.

She placed her hand on my arm, squeezing softly, in contrast to her previous expression. "Take whatcha' need. But they expect you to go act happy about this."

"I got it." Taking several deep breaths while the cameraman—who thankfully was not recording—looked on, I squared my shoulders.

Charlie had taught me all about grace under fire. It was time to show it. The short walk didn't seem long enough before I went through the front door to join the celebrations. Confetti rained down as Bradley popped open the champagne, letting it spray over everyone. My dad caught my eye from across the room, and his wink was what I needed.

The celebration went on for at least thirty minutes. Gordon attempted to make his way toward me, but invariably he was stopped by one of Bradley's family members. It was just as well. I'd seen prior episodes and how the cameras honed in on the loser while Gordon spoke with them. I didn't trust myself not to break down in tears, so I counted it a blessing. I was having a hard enough time with all the contestants telling me they didn't know what Gordon was thinking choosing Bradley.

We'd been required to clean out our dorm room prior to the final, so there was nothing left to do but leave with Charlie. The executives ordered us to come in to the headquarters tomorrow to sign a final non-disclosure agreement, but for tonight, I wanted to go back to Charlie's hotel room and get drunk. He must have known it too, because he found me and linked our arms, leading us out of the pandemonium.

"Bells, you know everything happens for a reason."

I snickered.

"When I was leaving, Cora told me they have an opening at the café."

I started coughing as we got into his limo, but the laughter overwhelmed me as I plopped back into the seat with little grace. I was crying great big funny tears before I could stop. The entire time, Charlie patted my hand and smirked.

"Are they having problems with their pies, Dad?"

"Yup."

And just like that, Charlie made it all better. I might have lost a dream, but I still had my dad.

~LS~

"Ms. Swan, you're aware you can't reveal Chef Ramsey's decision until the finale is aired next week. You understand to do so would be considered a breach of the contract you signed and you could be sued for said breach."

"I'm aware of the stipulations." I'd read the contract through several times before signing. My carefulness had had more to do with my astonishment of having been chosen than the need to truly understand it all.

The man nodded. "If you'll sign here, you're through with this set of papers."

"This set of papers?" Everything I'd been instructed would have to be done was finished.

"Chef Ramsey is coming in to meet with you. He's bringing several individuals with him."

Oh! Well that was something new. We hadn't had time to talk the night before, so maybe he wanted to speak with me now. I smiled as I glanced at my business skirt and blouse. Had it not been for Charlie's "morning after" headache recipe, the worn out hoodie and ripped jeans may have won.

When Gordon stepped through the door decked out in a business suit, I sat a little straighter. He had several people accompanying him.

A bright smile on his face, Gordon approached me, pulling me up to kiss both of my cheeks. "Isabella, sweetheart, you disappeared before I could find you last night."

"Sorry." A blush graced my cheeks at his polite manners. "It didn't seem Bradley and his family were anywhere close to ending the celebration, and my dad wanted to get back to the hotel."

What a farce. But it helped me save face.

"It's just as well. I wanted to introduce you to someone, and she wasn't available to come in until today." He turned to a stunning brunette, who was smiling like a child who'd found her lost toy. "Isabella Swan, I'd like to introduce Alice Whitlock."

The woman could've been a model if she hadn't been so short. Dark brown hair in a pixie cut that was long out of style, she rocked the look anyway. To be so tiny, she had a killer body, which was accentuated by a stylish blouse and palazzo pants.

"It's nice to meet you," I said, reaching over to shake her hand.

"Silly," she announced with a squeal, pulling me into a hug. "We're going to be best friends. I declare it, because I need your help." This was all said with the most wonderful southern accent.

"Friends?" I asked, hoping my mouth wasn't hanging open when she released me.

Seemingly unperturbed by Ms. Whitlock's actions, Gordon waved his hand toward the table, where the other people who'd accompanied them had laid out paperwork. "Isabella, please sit. Let me explain to you why I gave Bradley the restaurant, instead of you."

I must have still been a little drunk because I was totally confused. But I did as he requested. Another lesson from Charlie. Always be gracious.

Gordon grabbed one of the folders, putting it in front of me before sitting. "Short and to the point. I don't think your heart was in the management of a large restaurant."

I flushed. How could he have known? I put everything into the competition. I would've worked to the bone to be successful in order to learn everything I could. I shook my head though, admitting to it.

He grinned, which was an astounding sight since he normally only barked. "But you were the best competitor anyway, which tells me when you put your mind to a task, you see it through to the end. What happened at the bed and breakfast?"

It was such a personal question I almost didn't answer. I didn't know him well, and everyone else in the room was a stranger. I swallowed to keep from crying again.

"Isabella?"

"I lost someone who was very important to me around Halloween. It's a difficult time for me."

That was all they were getting. No one needed to know my innermost secrets.

Gordon put his two index fingers together and touched them to his lips. "Yet, you handled the crisis with grace and dignity—"

"I barked at my staff." My eyes widened as I realized I'd interrupted him. The notion he didn't have the ability to boss me around anymore helped mitigate my embarrassment.

He shrugged. "We've all lost it before. You were in your element, and the host praised your creativity and direction. I'd fancy a guess it was more in line with what you want to do. Right?"

"Maybe, but I needed the time at one of your restaurants to gain the experience to make myself marketable."

"Well, that's where Mrs. Whitlock comes in. Alice." He nodded to the petite bombshell.

Beaming with happiness, the woman started. "My husband and I represent his family's interests in building bed and breakfast ventures in the Pacific Northwest. We need someone who would be willing to work with us from the ground up. Jazz's dad wants the first and largest in Seattle to accommodate visiting partners."

Seattle? Really? I'd be close to Charlie.

"I'm confused. A bed and breakfast to schmooze business partners? But aren't you looking to expand to regular travelers?"

Alice's smile turned up several notches.

"See, you're already thinking like Jazz and me. His daddy is a partner in an architectural firm in Seattle, and he wants to make sure his potential clients are wined and dined in a very personal way when they're brought in to discuss deals. But Jazz and I want to expand it. Jazz has the business sense, and I have the marketing. Gordon says I need you for the rest, and I believe him. I brought contracts for you to take back with you to study. You may work even harder for us than you would for Gordon, but the pay is as good." She smiled as she reached over, using her very polished nail to tap the folder in front of me closer. "I heard right—you're from near Seattle?" When I nodded, she giggled. "I have a good feeling about this, and if you ask my husband, he'll tell you I'm never wrong."

Totally confused but pleasantly intrigued, I pick up the folder, but only after Gordon winked at me.

~LS~

 _ **Edward**_

I'd been on the job only a couple weeks, and I'd already been assigned to work with one of the senior structural engineers. Along with the firm's seismic expert, we'd been directed to inspect an older estate the company owned along Lake Washington. The firm's plan was to turn it into a retreat, but they wanted the Victorian mansion retrofitted to the finest in earthquake protection while being converted into a bed and breakfast. The older carriage house had already been transformed into a five-star kitchen to service the business, and we needed to meet with the chef to determine her desires and ideas. We'd been told to spare no expense in refurbishing the caretaker's cottage into a home for her.

In an older upper-class neighborhood, the mansion sat on twenty acres that boasted a large amount of lake frontage. It was surrounded by similar estates, but was still close enough to downtown to be desirable. Pulling into the cobblestone drive, I grinned as Greg, my supervisor, whistled at the stately white and black beauty.

"Man, what a house."

The pictures had certainly not done it justice. Pulling the bags out of the trunk, I followed my team inside.

"I'm Jasper Whitlock," the tall man inside the door said.

Reading the company's bios told me he was the owner's grandson and only a few years older than me. A child prodigy, he had dual doctorates in Economics and Business Administration. I shook his hand with enthusiasm as I introduced myself.

"So, it looks like this place is already renovated," Jack, our seismic guy, said.

I'd studied the literature. A retrofit could be costly and time consuming, not to mention an eyesore for many months.

"An older one." Jasper smiled. "Don't worry, we're aware we are months, perhaps even a year, from opening this baby up. Grumps wants it to be a showcase for not only comfort but the upgrades Whitlock is capable of in seismic reinforcement. There's a huge market for the work you do, and not many competitors. So, we're willing to do what it takes. Alice, my wife, and our new chef will be here in a few minutes to go over their ideas for the house, but we want you to make the retreat perfect."

It was good enough for me, and anyone brave enough to call the eldest Whitlock male "Grumps" was fine in my book.

"C'mon, we can use the dining room table for you to spread out your stuff."

Following him, I did just that, laying out the schematics. The caretaker's lodge had been my baby. Without the knowledge of culinary arts or retrofitting a turn of the century home, I'd been given the opportunity to turn the cramped quarters into an airy cottage. I spread the last paper smoothly on the table when a frisson of awareness electrified me. Straightening, I turned to greet the individuals walking into the room, only to lose sight of anyone other than the gorgeous brunette staring at me.

"Bella." Her name tore from my lips.

 _ **Bella**_

Heat traveled across my skin when the man bending over the table straightened. I knew, before he even turned.

"Bella." The way Edward said my name made my heart race.

I couldn't take my eyes off him. It had been four years, and they'd been good to him. He'd filled out even more. His broad chest was showcased by the white button-down and tie, and the business pants highlighted muscular thighs. The hair was still the same though, sticking up from a shorter cut. His green eyes were just as electric and expressive. Happiness, excitement, and grief flashed through them. Bracing for a wave of pain, I was astonished to feel only a tug. Instead, longing spread through my chest.

"You two know each other?" Alice chimed in, saving me from disgracing myself.

Edward waited calmly for me to answer.

"Edward and I knew each other in high school."

His eyes flared at the explanation, hurt buried in their depths. It was shocking how very much I knew about the man before me, even if we'd been apart. It was an uncomfortable feeling, really. I should've been able to view him as a stranger after the way we'd ended, but was forced to acknowledge, albeit internally, how connected we'd been. The pain spiked, reminding me of how betrayed I'd felt.

He paled as he watched me.

"Perfect!" Alice chirped, totally unaware of the undercurrents.

Jasper didn't seem as oblivious, his eyes jerking back and forth between Edward and me.

"Actually, Bella may feel more comfortable if I excuse myself from this project," Edward said, and the individuals around us looked from him to me.

"But your designs," the older man interrupted.

Edward took a deep breath before he squared his shoulders. "I can leave them for review, and if you aren't pleased, someone else can work with you," he said to me.

Picking up a jacket from one of the chairs, he turned to leave.

"Wait."

 _What? Where had that word come from?_

Scrambling for an explanation, I quickly added, "Alice and Jasper told me your group is the best?"

I said this to Edward, but the older man answered. "Mr. Whitlock personally requested us."

Alice had a mysterious twinkle in her eye as I contemplated that. Edward stopped at the large opening leading out of the dining room, but didn't look up at me through the silence.

The irony that Edward and I were employed by the same company didn't escape my notice. We would most likely be seeing each other from time to time. If he'd been sent along with the others as the "best," then could I afford to entrust my baby to anyone else? Hiding my shaking hands behind my back, I attempted a pleasant smile.

"I think I'd like to see all the designs."

I attempted to glance away, but not before the muscles of his shoulders relaxed.

~LS~

Curled up on a couch in the main house, I tried to find something non-Halloween on television. Considering it was Halloween night, my quest was futile.

My thoughts drifted.

Instead of the searing agony of remembering Edward kissing that girl, it was the loneliness that was killing me. And there was only one person my heart wanted beside me. Edward.

For the past month, he'd worked with the crew to begin the transformation of the caretaker home into a work of art.

Edward was professional, polite, and respectful, making sure others were always in the room with us whenever business needed to be discussed, but I'd caught him watching me often, with sad eyes. And because he did, I'd secretly watched him, and all the reasons I'd fallen in love with him became apparent again. He was reserved around others. He walked away when the crew grew too ribald, and he was unerringly respectful to Alice and the other women who were involved in the project. I had also seen some things I hadn't realized before. Women threw themselves at him, and their attention made him uncomfortable. I knew his reactions as well as I knew my own. Hand to the back of the neck, fingers tugging on his hair, the pinching of the nose…it was all still there.

I'd also learned he didn't have a girlfriend, because the guys teased him about it, asking if he was gay. Smirking, he'd just shook his head. The only time I'd seen him upset was when one of the workers joked about him having a crush on me. Edward had quickly cut the man off, informing him he needed to get back to work.

It was why I'd been surprised to get the call from my dad telling me when he'd returned from his fishing trip he'd found a letter addressed to me from Edward. The question in my dad's voice had been clear, so I'd told him about the latest twist.

"You know, Bells, from what I've heard, he's still a bookworm, and Esme and Carlisle haven't mentioned anyone he's dated. Just kinda reminds me that a mistake is a mistake, not a personality disorder. I've made mistakes and been graciously given chances for redemption."

I'd been too shocked at my dad's implication to say much, and the letter he'd forwarded to me remained unopened in my temporary quarters. It'd been written before I saw Edward, so I wondered why he hadn't mentioned it.

Now, on Halloween night, as everyone else from the company partied down at some swanky event, the envelope mocked me silently. As did my dad's wisdom.

When a soft knock sounded at the door, I opened it to find Edward standing on the front porch, a lit jack-o'-lantern in his hand.

"I…"He swallowed several times before grimacing. He looked down at his tennis shoes before taking a deep breath and trying again. "Bella…" Free hand to his hair and tugging, he finally forced out, "May I talk to you for a few minutes, please?"

The light from the pumpkin flickered across his face, making him look like the little boy I'd once known. Stepping back, I held my hand out to indicate he could enter. He moved into the large living room and then walked the short distance to the formal dining table, putting the pumpkin there.

"I know you probably don't want to hear any of this, but I couldn't just walk away without one more try."

Ice lodged in my chest, but I didn't stop him. He turned and leaned back against the table, his hands tucked into the pockets of his jeans.

"After that day, I tried to figure out what the hell I was thinking. I had everything, or so I thought, so it was hard for me to understand why I allowed her into my apartment, knowing she'd been flirting with me. She had such a flimsy excuse—that she needed my help on math. And when I let her kiss me—"

I flinched and he stopped, but he resumed once I took a deep breath.

"I let her because I was flattered. You see, I was always just 'Bella's Edward' in high school, not Edward. It was the first time someone had shown me attention not associated with you or as a jab at you. I was insecure enough to enjoy it. Three kisses. But I knew with the first one that it wasn't right and I had to stop it. I would have too, Bella, even if you hadn't walked in. You've always been the confident one. You marched on that stage in Hell's Kitchen, and you knew what you wanted."

"You watched me?"

"Not at first. I didn't know until I came back to Forks to visit Mom and Dad. They'd been watching you from the beginning. I saw the next-to-last episode, then watched the previous ones my parents recorded before the finale. I was so pissed when you lost, and I blamed myself." He shuffled his feet. "Did you read my letter?"

I shook my head.

Blowing a breath out, he nodded. "You know, that's one of the things I admire most about you. When you make a decision to do something, you stick to it. It's what makes you so successful."

He didn't mean that as an insult, but suddenly I saw it could be. Was I truly that pigheaded? A wave of shame washed over me. I never thought I inherited any of my mom's qualities, but suddenly I wasn't so sure.

"I don't think you've ever doubted anything in your life, Bella. I can't tell you how much I've envied you that." He smiled softly. "I'm so deeply sorry for what I did to us. I just needed to say that to you face to face. Like I told you then, I'd do anything to take it back, but I can't. It was all about me and my insecurity about being good enough. Not you. Never you." His gaze was steady. "I'm better now. Four years of school and finding my niche, where being a geek is an okay thing, have helped."

I couldn't help the snicker that escaped at his self-evaluation. He appeared to relax at my laugh.

"I'm sorry, too."

His head jerked up. "For what?"

"For not listening."

"I understood." He pursed his lips. "I admit that I got mad at you because you wouldn't. I wanted to just say 'Hey, this is me; you know me.' But I didn't even know myself. It took some time for me to really come to an understanding about my insecurities."

There was an awkward pause, and during it, I walked toward him, coming to stop just at the end of the table. Facing the jack-o'-lantern, I watched the flame as it danced inside.

He shifted awkwardly. "I've fucking missed you so badly, Bella."

Attention jerking back to him, my eyes watered as tears pooled in his.

"Want to know something funny?"

I was suffering whiplash, him going from almost crying to wanting to tell me a joke. I could only shrug my shoulders.

"Do you know what legends say the jack-o'-lantern symbolizes?"

"No." My voice was but a whisper, my throat tight with tears.

"A lost soul." His lips quirked. "Children carried them on All Hallow's Eve to represent the souls of their lost loved ones." The pumpkin grinned at both of us. "I can relate to this guy. Because I feel like the day you ran from me, the day I betrayed you, mine was ripped from me."

I gasped, because I understood exactly what he meant. There had been a hole in my chest ever since.

"I can't breathe without you, Bella. It's like I've barely existed, just doing what it took to get through." His eyes wandered over my face. "Is there any hope, that sometime in the future, possibly, you might give us another chance?"

A tear ran down my cheek, followed by another and another.

"Oh, God. I'm sorry." He began moving toward the door. "I've asked for too much. Baby, please, don't cry. I'll leave."

One thing he'd said stood out above it all. I did know him, like I knew myself. His awkwardness—I'd always known it was just the outer expression of his insecurities. But had I really considered what it meant for him to be so shy? What it had taken for him to go to college and be surrounded by people he didn't know? No, it didn't excuse what had happened, but did I really believe Edward was a serial cheater like my mom? Did I really think that, at his core, he was insincere in his affections for me, like my mom had been to all the men she'd been involved with?

The answer lay in the way he was trying to leave, to stop the hurt he thought his request had brought me. It was in the way he'd designed the home I would live in, having spent many hours paying attention to what I wanted and making sure it would work with the existing structure. The way he volunteered to do stuff at the main house, and the way he shuffled uncomfortably as the guys made derogatory jokes.

Was I going to let one bad decision ruin it all, contrary to all I knew about him?

His hand was on the door knob before I could speak.

"Edward, wait."

He froze, and it took a moment for him to turn back.

"Would you like to stay for a piece of pie and coffee?"

To say he looked stunned would be an understatement. Moving slowly back, Edward pulled out one of the chairs, placing his long hands together on top of the table when he sat. "I'd love to."

I put on the coffee before I pulled the pie out of the refrigerator. Before I lost my nerve, I approached him, upending it all over his head. Shocked, his eyes looked like saucers as the pumpkin filling dripped down his face.

Pointing to the grinning jack-o'-lantern, I said, "Lost soul." To the pumpkin dripping down his face like homage to our battles in the past, I shrugged and said, "Humble pie. Maybe it'll wash away your cooties."

The green of his eyes twinkled even as a particularly large piece of filling fell from his hair to his shoulders.

"Don't ever do that to me again, Edward Cullen. I wouldn't survive."

He gently reached over to where my fingers gripped the table tightly. Brushing only the pad of this thumb across the back of my hand, he solemnly swore, "I promise."

 _ **One year later …**_

The unofficial opening of the new bed and breakfast had gone amazingly. With Edward's help, I'd been able to decorate for the company's annual Halloween Bash. Across the lawn, tents spread out over the grass, heaters making the cool air under them bearable. Men and women in outlandish costumes littered the area, and laughter sounded from every angle. We were dressed as Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy from _Pride and Prejudice_ , much to Edward's chagrin. I'd initially threatened him with a pumpkin costume, so he'd finally caved.

It was nearing midnight, and my part was finally done. The catering crew would ensure the rest of the food was put out, and security was in charge of getting all the partiers safely home. Leaning against one of the bannisters of my new home and looking out toward Lake Washington, I marveled at how much my life had changed in the last year. Edward had left me to sort out a problem with one of the displays earlier, so I jumped a mile when his arm wrapped around my waist.

"You know, I just realized this is the first year we've been together that we almost let our tradition slip."

"Huh?" I asked, fatigue making me slow to understand.

He stepped closer, hugging me so my back rested against his chest. "It would be bad luck for us to miss our pumpkin time," he said, slipping one of the cupcakes I'd decorated before me.

I fully expected him to smash it in my face. When he held so very still, my attention was caught by a sparkle. Shoved into the orange and green icing was a small marquise-cut diamond ring.

"It's not much, and certainly not what I would've liked to give you, but I couldn't wait any longer." He took a deep breath against my back. "Be my partner in crime forever. Marry me."

Turning slowly in his arms, I gazed up into his soft green eyes before nodding. The noises of the couples, servers, and even the lake faded into the background as he kissed me. Something shifted inside my chest, like that hole I'd always envisioned was being healed. But no. It wasn't my heart that had been missing; it was my soul.

And Edward had finally returned it to me.

~Lost Souls~

Would love to know your thoughts!


End file.
